PART 1: Hi, I'm Amanda

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

So I'm having the worst time with my FYP (sorry for the rant). Is it just me or does my brain refuse to think of concepts that actually make sense? I've proposed about 4 topics to my prof and everyone has been shot down. She wants me to feel the excitement when I talk about my topic, but the thing is I haven't felt super excited about anything for a long time. What I've been doing trying to do so far for my FYP topic is to think of something that's relevant to the current day context. I'm interested in helping and changing society with design (idealistic, but yes), but that seems way too boring for her. Which brings me back to the question of what exactly interests me? 

I am about to embark on a "Get to Know My Inner Self" self campaign kinda shenanigan for the next few days. The goal of the next few posts is to figure out who and what I like so you're about to get some non-edited free writing from me as I reintroduce myself as not just Amanda Olivia Lim but amandalimminhuii the girl who subconsciously doesn't even know how she's flaking through life half the time.. Here goes nothing:

Hi, I'm Amanda Lim. Olivia is my given name after baptism because it means peace and victory, something I want to achieve throughout my life. Many don't know this, but i also do have a second baptism name which is Karis. That means inspiration. I've always wanted to live my life as a model of Christ, to show the people around me that through Him, I can do all things. Sorry if I'm boring you.  
I came into NTU/ADM because.... LOL I appealed and got through so my parents decided to send me to a local school instead of overseas. Why I wanted to do visuals was because I always loved drawing as a kid. My mind doesn't work like the rest of them. Prefrontal cortex, was it? It works more than the rest of my brain, hence, creativity is my stronger suit. I'm clueless at math or science. 
I do very much think that I'm quirky and weird. A bit slow sometimes too. I've been called ditzy and I shun, ever since polytechnic, when my speech comm teacher said that in front of the entire class. Boy, that cut deep. From then on, I always strive to act non-ditzy with a confident and cool persona. If you ever see that, that's probably me just going by my ever-so-mass-comm code "fake it till you flippin make it". Sometimes I liken myself to a chameleon because I like to tailor the way I act to make people feel comfortable. I believe that everybody has their own personality and some just mash better with others. I want to be able to gel with everybody (idealistic again) so I chameleon my way through, hence, not being able to figure myself out. Hmm, do you think being a chameleon is a personality of its own then? Food for thought eh. I'm guessing this is how that blue lady in Xmen feels (omg why can't I remember her name). MYSTIQ! YES ok now I'm not even sure if that's the right spelling. <- see, slightly ditzy. Again. 
While we're on the topic of being brutally honest, I'm an overbearingly protective person. I get jumpy and agitated when friends of mine get bullied. Ask C, I'm her over protective sheep (apparently). I will play situations in my head where I literally punch Jerkface (of whom shall not be named here). My imagination is so wild, it scares even myself. That's why I hardly ever watch horror films. With this imagination, even if I wasn't being haunted, my brain would haunt me till no end just as the lights turn off for bed. 
Wow, I am indeed a ball of confusion. I deny not that the number of times I say the words "I'm confused" a week exceeds my age this year by leaps and bounds. I like to engage a lot of perspectives in my argument, so much that I can find a counter to every other counter I think of. They usually cancel out in my head (1 VS 1) so, to put it plainly, I have no valid argument. All the time.
Pros and cons. But that's life. Or what life should be, neutral.
Just like this post. Blend, and boring. Bleah. 

Leave me a note on my if you have any ideas for FYP please. Thanks. 
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